Sunday, May 30, 2010

STOP F***ING UP NINJA TURTLES.


It was May 1984 that Mirage Studios first released the black and white comic created by artist Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. These mutant heroes were a mixture of bad-ass martial arts and mild humor.

Boy have we come a long way. In the wrong friggin direction.

I do admit I did nothing but collect the Mirage comics, Image comics and when desperate for a new issue, even the horrendously bubbly Archie series. I watched the cartoon and set my VCR to tape every episode. Little by little they began to lose their bad-assness.
The shit hit the fan in a first and sequel double threat. Cowabunga was now a middle school staple phrase. Secret of the Ooze hit the big screen and Vanilla Ice RAPED the shit out TMNT with ninja rap, those retarded pants, and that sorry ass... well, everything about it.

But the raping didn't stop there. The marketing machine was still ravenous, hoping to squeeze the last tear from every child's dream. Enter TMNT the movie. AGAIN. I had hoped (and don't ask me why) that this CGI film may actually redeem some of the nonsense. Nope.

Nickelodeon now owns all of Mirage's rights to the TMNT property.

2012: The Mayan calendar ends, with it perhaps the world... But not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. WTF DID YOU SAY? In 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

Michael Bay's New Live Action TMNT movie.

It may only get worse. Platinum Dunes has been hired to produce this movie - and they are equally great at RAPING the hell out of classics:
And now add Ninja Turtles to the list. If you want a good Ninja Turtles experience, read Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from First Graphic Novel. There's ninjas, blood, Baxter Stockman is a black guy who DOESN'T turn into a fly, Shredder gets the shit stabbed out of him and takes a thermite grenade to the face after Leonardo gives him the option of suicide.

Support Eastman and Laird's ORIGINAL creation.

Tell Nickelodeon to SUCK IT.
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3 comments:

  1. Adam ForceMay 30, 2010 at 6:31 PM

    Here's my letter to Viacom. Post yours here too!

    Dear Viacom/Nickelodeon
    Please don't make another TMNT movie. I understand you own all the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I started reading Mirage's comics in the 80's. Back then they were fucking awesome as hell b/c of the martial arts violence and graphic themes. Being that Nickelodeon is set to do this movie, you have the power to do the right thing.
    With great power comes great responsibility. Don't FUCK UP THE NINJA TURTLES BY MAKING ANOTHER KID MOVIE.

    Thank You for your time and consideration.

    Huge Turtles Comics Fan,
    Adam Force

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 30, 2010 at 6:46 PM

    Two things: First and foremost, I freaking loved the Teenage Movie Ninja Turle Movie from when I was little--the one that was real people and the Jim Henson Turtles. I used to play Teenage Mutant Ninja turles with my cousins and I claimed the part of April everytime!

    And, two, I don't think you're legally allowed to quote Uncle Ben, unless you're writing letters protesting a Spiderman remake...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Adam ForceMay 30, 2010 at 7:33 PM

    How about this is my site and I CAN SAY WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT! Lol Yes I agree the first one was good. That was before Nickelodeon got their paws on it. Vanilla Ice raped the second one.

    ReplyDelete

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